This is going to be a word-heavy post.
It is something close to my heart and it’s the beginning of growth, self-acceptance and self-love. Might be a little incoherent but it’s just me trying to get things in a timeline.
I think I’m going to backtrack to the year 2018 around the time where I went on my very first solo trip to Tokyo which I have yet to blog about.
I was lost, unwanted, angry, anguished and is seeking some sort of salvation. The solo trip have kind of cleared my mind a little and I got a journey to work on myself more. I went on a weight-loss journey but still struggle within myself.
In the end, as quickly as I’ve lost the weight, I’ve also embarked on the journey of rebounding.
I still have a love-hate situation with myself and my body. I went seeking validation the wrong way.
I got a wake-up call when my parent fell ill. And I decided that I’ve been too much in my own zone. I’m wallowing in self-misery and that need to stop. I need to pay more attention to my family and actually making myself a better person.
Along the way, I found peace with crystal healing and I love the soft vibrational energy that I get from the crystals. It brought me peace. And I discovered my deck of cards from my teenage years. I was actually contemplating to go back to cartomancy back in 2019 but it was delayed. I probably needed to learn more ‘lessons’ during that period of time.
2020 was supposedly the year of celibacy for me after a crazy 2019. But I guess the universe have one more lesson for me so that didn’t happened.
The circuit breaker was the point that I finally got in-tuned with my spiritual self. I’ve got Oracle decks prior and they called out to me strongly so I started using them very frequently.
That’s where I discover that I have got a scarily accurate intuition when it comes to certain matters. Many a time the cards that I’ve drawn for myself are already the answers I have in my mind. It is to a point where I don’t really need to draw cards for myself.
It help me to be more confident in the things that I do. To not doubt myself that much. That is in a way gaining self-acceptance. All my life I’ve been doubting myself, the things that I do and even my existence.
I’ve then got a push to start reading for others and I think that is really a part of what I meant to do in life. Being able to provide guidance to others when they are in doubt through the use of Tarot and Oracle cards.
I was also able to get more in touch with my spiritual self. Realising the fact that I’ve been doing Astral Travels all the while unknowingly. And wondering to myself about my bizarre dreams and all the deja vu moments. And also the fact that I’ve been well-protected by my spirit guides all my life.
A lot of times, the low self-esteem issues, the anger and all that negative vibes. It comes from within and our inner demon. We all have this ‘Light’ and ‘Dark’ sides within us. And it’s really up to us to balance that.
I know for a moment that I am at peace with myself now which have not happened for the longest time. Especially when I used to be such an angry person with crazy scary moments. I can handle my emotions so much better. Anger is no longer something I struggle with. I do have other emotions that I still need to manage better and it’s ok. One step at a time.
My spiritual journey has just begun and I welcome all of you to be on board with me. Sometimes we just need an open mind and a different perspective on life.