Embracing Singlehood: My Dating Journey and Stand on Marriage | Joyce.Forensia

I was approached by an ST reporter via Lemon8 where I did wrote about embracing singlehood very briefly. She wanted to write an article about why Singles are choosing to be single which in return affects the low birth rate. I was happy to share as all of you know. I essentially put my life out there on social media. Though I was always low-key with my relationships. But if you know me from Dayre, you get the juicy bits there.

As with all news article, only a small portion out of the hour long interview was being featured. And perhaps some words are lost in translation. So I thought why don’t I use my own platform to tell my own story?

The dating background

I’ll keep the long story as short as I can. I’ve started using dating apps since 2013, met and dated 2 guys in 2013. When I use the term “dated”, it meant that I went out on several dates but not in a official relationship. Perhaps I will also add in that I’m 20kg lesser than what I weigh now back in my 20s. (Since the HWZ bros like to call me out for being on the bigger side.)

I’ve met another guy in early 2014 and went out to have a relationship that lasted till early 2017. Why didn’t that work out? Because he never wanted a serious commitment with me and only wanted an underground relationship. (Basically I was just the side chick.) I decided that 3 years is enough, that is also enough time for me to wake up my idea and not be blinded by love.

I went into an official relationship shortly after in the same year and that lasted a whole year before it ended in early 2018. I actually forgave him for cheating but he decided that he can’t be in a relationship where he got caught. I still received messages from readers on and off that he’s still on the apps trying to look for his next victim. (I call him the serial cheater.)

2018 was life-changing. I got back in contact with the guy I dated back in 2013. I would say, the one I loved but not meant to be. The feeling where you know that you will not have a future with a particular individual but still willing to take the risk of being heartbroken. I was heartbroken in the end. It was just not meant to be.

But hey, this was where things got fun because this was also when the numbers spiked. I did try dating a few other guys, probably 2-3 before I decided to just have fun. (This is where I found out how a fair share of guys lied about their actual relationship status and happily cheating on their partners.) [HWZ bros this is why you single because you also fighting with attached men who’s out having fun.]

If guys can have fun, girls can too. But of course I got bored after awhile and do prefer dating long term.

My stand on marriage

Oh perhaps another thing I should clarify is that I’m not looking for marriage but I did mentioned that I’m not opposed to being married if my partner would want that. Marriage is just a piece of paper and unless you want to have kids, there’s really no need to be married. And I do not want a kid if the choice is entirely up to me. To be fair, it was a mixture of childhood trauma + being cheated on that led to that decision. It hurts a lot when you see your partner holding hands with another girl walking past you.

I admit that I do have PTSD from my past relationships and it will take a lot for me to be able to fully trust someone. So why not I do life alone, but not really because I’m surrounded by friends and family. And just date from time to time. If I managed to find a long term companion, that’s great. If I don’t, that’s fine too.

Also, I’m not available now.

XOXO,
Joyce.Forensia